Chapter 1: Discovering the Shadow of my Doubt
So don’t throw away your confidence, you will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere, so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised you. Hebrews 10:35-36
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.Tomorrow (9/9) we will start Day 1 of the 7-day Doubt Diet. If you haven’t signed up, don’t put it off - YOU are worth it. You’ll need your own copy to read (And its free HERE) as I won’t copy each day’s entire devotion. We’ll go through the devotion each day together, sharing scripture, encouragement, doubts, fears, and insecurities that have taken up residence in our hearts. The 7-Day Doubt Diet includes seven foundational truths from different chapters of A Confident Heart.
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Girls, before we get started I want ya’ll to know I’m just like you. Okay, so I teach coupon workshops and update the blog – none of this happened because of me. In fact, somehow God opened doors in spite of me. I never wanted to coupon, and I never ever wanted to speak in public or even share my heart online like I’m doing right now. A part of me wants to go jump in the bed right now and pull the covers over my head. I’ve been putting this off all day. Why? Doubts have crept into my mind and “overshadowed” (as Renee says) what I know God has asked me to do.
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Things like:
- Have I lost my ever loving mind? Why on earth would I voluntarily put myself in such a vulnerable position?
- No one’s going to read this – there will be no comments – nothing on facebook – no tweets – nothing.
- I’m also afraid you’ll think I have it all together and ask why it is I’m sharing the devotion.
- Or - those that know me and know things that I’ve faced will remember every failure and think I’m not “good enough” or ”spiritual enough” to be leading this devotion with you.
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This shadow is huge, it’s distorted – it’s not truth.
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Renee’s story of how God opened her eyes to the “shadow of her doubts,” really opened my eyes. (and ears!) The list I shared above is so small compared to the doubts that swirl around in my mind. Doubt, fear, and insecurities have walked beside me for a long time - so long that I no longer recognize them for what they are. In fact, they are as familiar as old friends. When no one understands, doubt whispers in my ear in agreement. Oh, and fear never leaves my side! At least I can count on it being here. When I am hurt by someone I love, insecurity reaches out to hold my hand. Just like the shadow in the image above – it’s not truth. My doubts are huge and distort the truth.
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As soon as I began to read, A Confident Heart, the lies I had accepted as truths started to look different. I thought the doubts were just a part of me, a part that I was waiting for Jesus to one day walk by and zap out of me. Sure I’ve heard messages my entire life about trusting in God’s promises and not allowing my circumstances to define me. I thought that meant one day I could trust, one day I’d be confident, one day I’d feel equipped. One day…….the timing was God’s decision I was waiting on him. He’s the one who would choose when one day would become THE DAY.
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Right? You’ve been there haven’t you? Then during the waiting I begin to doubt that God is going to zap me with confidence. You know, he’s mad at me. I messed up last week. I didn’t honor my husband, my kids got on my ever-last nerve, that had to be it. Since God is perfect and is not a man who can lie, then it has to be me.
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As I continued to read chapter one, there were phrases that jumped off the page at me – when did I become so hard on myself – what triggers my doubts – God doesn’t want me to live in the constant cycle of self doubt. Fantastic – but I don’t know how! Sometimes, I don’t believe His word is true for me.
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The next paragraph I am going to quote from the book I underlined, circled and highlighted twice in yellow and pink. Renee says that “we’ll talk about the struggles, uncertainties, and fears we all face and how we can learn to actively trust God’s heart as we process our never-ending thoughts, our always-changing emotions, and our oh-so-busy and often confusing lives through the transforming truth of God’s Word. We will find our heart’s confidence in Christ as we learn how to rely on the power of His promises in our everyday lives.”
The words – we we learn how to rely spoke clearly to my heart. God wants me to trust him but unless I rely on the power of his promises then doubt will scream louder in my ear until doubt silences Gods promises.
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At the end of Chapter 1 there are several review questions – it’s up to you, but I’m going to get somewhere by myself with no cell phone, computer or children so that I can hear the still small voice of my Father longing to draw me close to him – waiting for me to turn to him. This will be uncomfortable for me, I don’t like to be alone where my thoughts can go into overdrive without distractions. I’m serious ya’ll, I even read emails in the shower on my phone. I don’t go to bed until I am ready to pass out – why? If I’m not distracted then I might think too much. It might hurt too much, I will think about my precious daddy who I miss so much. I want to avoid the refiner’s fire and the potter’s wheel!
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The God of all hope is calling you out of the shadow of your doubts so you can live with a confident heart! Are you ready to let His Word change the way you think, which will determine the way you feel and eventually transform the way you live (Rom. 12:2)? Renee Swope
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Tomorrow ~ Day 1 of the 7-day Doubt Diet.
Then I will know that He is the Lord. When I hope in him I won’t be disappointed. Isaiah 49:23 Won’t you join me? For the next 7 days lets be honest with ourselves, get real about the thoughts that plague our minds and the doubts that strangle our confidence. .
Thanks for all u ladies are putting into this devotion.Thanks Renee for your uplifting.
Kasey, in reading your post, I was amazed to read the following line…’ I don’t go to bed until I am ready to pass out – why? If I’m not distracted then I might think too much.’ For so long, that was me. I worried about bills, my husbands job, if we would ever have the money for a second adoption…the list went on and on. I would go to bed and lay there for hours thinking about everything you could imagine…not sleeping. Being alone & quiet with my thoughts was tiring. I don’t mean to say that I’m glad you or anyone else experiences that very same thing, but it is good to know that I am not alone.
Kasey, thank you so much for being so vulnerable and transparent. It’s so important for us to be real with each other, with ourselves and with God about all this mess in our heads that is messin’ with our hearts. Doubt keeps us from believing things can get better — but they can and God wants them to.
Writing the book changed my life, and living in the truth of what it says, again this year is continuing to transform the way I think, feel and live! I pray each of you will feel God wrapping you up in the comfort of His love and hear Him whispering words of assurance to your hearts as you courageously pursue lasting confidence in HIM!!
Hugs, thanks and blessings,
Renee
I am really excited about this devotion. Thanks for the time and enegry you guys have taken w/ this
Encouragement to others is never wrong! ! Faith is the opposite of Fear!! Everybody needs HOPE!!!
Thank you! I can relate more than I care to admit. It does help knowing you are not the only one that’s mind works this way! Thanks again!!!
Oh Girl! This was awesome. Thank you for sharing… I really needed to hear that I am not alone… and I’m sure it helps you that I’m commenting- to let you know you are not alone either in this matter. In fact, neither of us are or were ever alone… that the Lord is always with us!! But it does help that someone else faces the same trials that I face! I’m so going to look into this. Thank you for sharing!!!!